"Better in bed than ever as friends"

it's really quite terrible where curiosity and loneliness has led me.

i hope to learn how to walk on two feet
with out stumbling
(especially when i have my eyes closed)

because i know i'll need my two hands to knock you the f*ck out.


i hate being sleepless.

"Why do I hurt just on purpose?"

i can try to move on to band number 2
but then i wonder if that further hinders the problem.
because when i hear that voice,
i'm really only hearing yours.

you've taken my life
and smashed it into millions of pieces that float around this state.

most days i think i'll never be the same
i'm the ghost version of what i used to know
i make decisions that are so unlike me
my heart seems so open and so completely closed
....to the exact opposite of what i thought i believed.

i hold my breath at least twice a day.
you live like we've never met
and i should have left well alone
when i had the upperhand

you were the first
the last
the worst
...real experience i've ever had.




you'll be the first person i'll erase
i'll make my mind spotless
just to feel some sanity
and less of you.

"you've caused this collapse, between the heart and the synapse"

sometimes we come across situations that seemed to be themed by music.
lucky you if you understand what i mean.

there was a certain someone who was themed by two artists.
one he showed me.
the other we had a mutual admiration for.
when feeling nostalgic, i listen to one or the other.

the past week and a half i had been feeling particularly masochistic.
so i listened and listen to our mutual admiration.

hit repeat
repeat
repeat
repeat.

understood and heard parts that i've never payed attention to.

and then suddenly....
it all went away.

and i'm okay.
for now.
and that cd will go back on the shelf until next time.

Pete/Hemmy = Me/Hurley

An excerpt from his posts on F.O.E.:

obligatory post of the love of my life

i kind of wish he walked on two legs and dressed like a lil homie so we could go to the movies and hold paws- and i could call him "shawwwty".

Hurley Dude:



we each have our little friends that we dream of
it may sound sick, but i'll bet that we'd both stop traffic for these two.

"The truth is vile, but vital to this cause"

"Oh, how I've been teething
In light of your misleading
You've caused this collapse
Between the heart and the synapse"



i went to nyc...
saw his favorite band
i expected him
i waited for him
i thought i saw him in a glance


who made me this way?
i hope you've felt as desperate as me.

good kharma, bad kharma

"cuz i'm a wishful thinker wit the worst intentions...."

or something to that effect.

i regret at least 3 things every day.

the grass is always greener....

"let's
face it
we're
oh so desperate."

i imagine my perfect world
it all feels like just a myth....

the chase is better than the catch

don't we all look bigger & better beneath the surface?
i guess we all like to dream.
wouldn't it be nice if every first glance depicted real life?
the truth is,
we only see what we want to see.

"give me gravity
give me clarity
give me something to rely on.

we're all puppets
we're all marionettes."

One Hundred Times

Ok so I claimed that I couldn’t trust him
When it really was in just one aspect.

There’s a funny thing about him.

I don’t care
I don’t care
I don’t care

Until that smile.

Then it’s easy to forget
And really easy to want.

We are all just ridiculous people.

“hey, want to get high?
It’s peer pressure
of all the people, I want to see you get high”

“you’re going to leave me?
What else have you got to do?
just stay with me”

Dazed&Confused

We shall be spoons
I’ll be kissed on the forehead
Inhale the familiar scent
Of booze, smoke, pot, cologne
Always
At least in our night meetings.
He plans to quit one of those
But for now I’ll inhale it and memorize.

We’re just back and forth people.
A challenge is fun, as long as you never get to the finish line.

"These Bones are mere Accessories"

good moods like good looks

or the other way around.

"i am a living ghost"
at least that's how life is post-college.

if it wasn't for certain sweet hangs,
or the music...
i'd be 6 feet under.

rise
rise
rise

consider THIS summer

lyrics to the almost name of this domain.


rock and roll girl come outside tonight.
put your arms up in the moonlight.
have you ever been in love?
well i have i have.
well this is something you should consider.
don't know what we can be.
you don't know.
will you dance with me tonight.
can't wait until tomorrow.
will you dance with me tonight
before your chance is over.
rock and roll girl runaway with me.
let me show you everything that we could be.
by the way this song is for you.
well this is something you should consider
and you could be be a perfect star to hold me,
just tell me where you are.
i can't stay for summer time.
summer...

--- rookie of the year

dream date?

so i've been having dreams about an old crush.

i can't remember if it happened 2 or 3 times.
but for some reason pete wentz has led me to him.

the first time, i took a brave chance and drove to his family business at night, even though i knew that it was probably closed.
a man parked next to me....he knew my name and said they were waiting for me.
i went inside and it seems that they had finished eating dinner and were eager for my arrival.
they showed me photo albums of him.
for some reason he had black hair
and i waited for him to come out to see me
but i woke up.


the second dream i was spending time with pete wentz and he told me that i needed to meet his friend's band.
and he was there in a 3-piece band with long blond hair.
i looked hard at his face and knew it was him.
he smiled as if he was waiting for me
he cut his hair that day
and was ready to make this happen for me...
to make this like i always wanted.

and then i woke up.

i haven't seen him in over 8 years.
maybe it's time to open up an old door.