suffering from narcissism

this coming year,
i want it to be all about me.

no more texts telling me to wake up
no more love you's before goodnights

no more, "why'd he comment this"
"why were you on this website"
"why are you going there?"

no more be here at this time-on time-
wear this not that

attend this party
let's go here
let's see this together

you're good intentions
have done well and good

but, {for awhile}
i need it to be
me on my terms

better in o8'?

you think you know how to be better
because to you, taking steps forward is forgetting how you got there

good or bad
these things made you human

don't hook up with her
don't fall in love
no more deaths
no speaking this way or that

it's more pretentious than you realize

you think making new resolutions will erase what has happened
you know i was there and a part of it.

i'll remember who you were since you promise not to.

between the heart and the synapse

honestly,
at times i feel like the unhappiest person on earth.

i want to be alone
i want to be alone
i want to be alone

free from the shackles of current and possible love
i want to be unloved.

im either starving for attention or running from its grasp
who am i really?

i'd rather be free from chains of expectations
to be able to answer to no one
"do as i please"

ill probably blame you for all of this
because when it comes down to it
i doubt that there are enough male hearts on earth for me to break
to relinquish what you did to me

i AM the car crash heart

The Most Romantic Song in Ages.

"Oh The Way"

Oh the way you, looking like you own the room
Yeah, you do it so well
That I can't tell if it's okay to take you home with me

If just for tonight, or the rest our lives
I will take my time to show you how you're always on my mind
So can you take off that brown shirt
So I can get to know you better
You've got me wrapped around your finger
You've got me wrapped around your finger

Every time I close my eyes I pray for night time
To take me home
And the clouds in the sky lit up by moonlight
Are my only guide to take me home

If just for tonight, or the rest our lives
I will take my time to show you how you're always on my mind
So can you take off that brown shirt
So I can get to know you better
You've got me wrapped around your finger
You've got me wrapped around your finger

So stand up or sit down
You always had a funny way of not knowing what to do
And oh it seems to mean much more when you
You bat your eyes and tell me the truth
But if you listen to the sound of my heart beat
You know you can truly tell
The feeling that you get when our eyes meet
It's something more than you've ever felt

The night is over all the lights are out
Just you and I in this empty house

We've got so much time
We've got so much time

So step back and never let go
Your voice is the only thing that guides me home
So step back and never let go
Cause it's something I just thought that you should know

--- Promise of Redemption

you have no idea...

"When she cries, she screams inside,
Her secrets can't be told.
And when she lies, she screams at night,
And her secrets keep her sick."